A student with Autism once told me, “if it ain’t broken, why fix it?” They were on a reduced schedule as they started High School to “ease their transition.” As the year progressed, their educational team had begun to focus on getting them back on track– picking up more classes in order to “graduate with their class.” The team was seemingly deaf to the student’s lack of interest in graduating with her class. She asked, “Who is my class?”
Was her class the students who had bullied her during her elementary years? If so, she wanted enough separation from them to feel safe. In fact, she didn’t care to do anything with them-including graduation. Perhaps the team meant the kids from the small charter school where she attended middle school? The school where she spent three years mostly in mixed aged classrooms, learning with children based on their academic gifts and needs rather than age. As she pointed out, her friends from that school were now a year ahead of her, a year behind her and in her home base.
What she wanted was to be academically successful, work hard and not be overwhelmed as she learned to navigate in 4-6 new classroom environments every term. She wanted to continue to take her reduced schedule so she had enough energy left to manage social relationships, coursework and after-school clubs She wanted to have energy left for her responsibilities at home. What she wanted was a reasonable and not overwhelming level of stress in her daily life; she really didn’t mind spending an “extra year” at the school to achieve that.
She wasn’t interested in running some imagined race or “fixing a schedule that wasn’t broken”
In this year of pandemic and social action, I am reminded of this young girl’s wisdom. I see all the frantic posts online of parents and even teachers worrying about children falling behind academically. I wonder, Is this where our concern needs to be right now?
We are at the beginning of a hundred year pandemic; we are battling the 400 year old institutional and systemic racism that our country was founded on. Should we really be so focused on whether our child’s academic knowledge is on grade level? Should we be worried about essay skills, algebra and comparative literature? Should we be worried about history as we live through history?
Academics are the least important concern right now. Are our children falling behind? Behind what? Behind Whom? What is this race our children must win? If the whole world is stepping back from this imagined race (falling behind) what is lost?
I would encourage you instead of worrying about Honors Spanish, phoneme spelling and long division, focus instead on building your child’s (and your own!) resiliency. Practice with them the skills and traits they will need to not just recover but flourish during this time: Self- regulation, Curiosity, Empathy and Confidence.
Acknowledge the unique and historical times we are living in to ourselves and our children. Our children need us to take care of our stress and show them that we have confidence; we are resilient. We will weather this storm and come out the other side stronger, calmer and ready for whatever life sends our way-even if we haven’t mastered phonemes on time.
Build resiliency in your children: Care for them, read to them, cook with them and most importantly listen to them. Let’s take this time to re-inspire their curiosity and follow their questions wherever this curiosity may lead.
Rather than assuming we and our children are falling behind in some imagined race to some imagined finish line, let’s take a break from “normalcy.” Let’s rediscover what is working in our lives, build strong resilient children and stop trying to fix things that may not be broken.
